Deep within
by Tschubi-chan
Summary: Shonenai AyaKen Don´t bother with the title. Here is Eyes that mirror his soul and Eyes on me available as one story with two chapters.
1.

"Eyes That Mirror His Soul" by Tschubi-chan

Author: Tschubi-chan

e-mail: keiji_izumi@yahoo.com

Rating: G / PG 

Type: One-shot

Spoilers: none, well perhaps a little bit of Kase, but who doesn't know him?

Warnings: shonen-ai

Keywords: Aya, Ken, Aya´s POV

Disclaimer: I don't own Weiß starts to cry, but I wished those beautiful bishonen would sigh. They belong to, you know who...

A/N:

The fic is dedicated to Swyth-chan who keeps writing that wonderful Youken ficcie for me beams at you. I *will* make that pic for you, just have to get my lazy ass to do so. giggle

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Eyes that mirror his soul

I'm watching him again out of the corner of the shop. He's trying to convince one of those schoolgirls to buy a bouquet of violets for her mother's birthday, his ever present smile on his face.

How I know it's for her mother's birthday? Because she manages to remind him that every few seconds since she started ogling him. I also know those white Roses an hour ago were for a very good friend; the Gentians for a new apartment; the daisies for a secret love--I put the emphasis on secret...Gods, how I hate those schoolgirls flirting with him.

A few minutes later, three girls try to get at once his attention. They aren´t really interested in buying something; their primary attention is to get him flustered. His blush is indeed very adorable. I have to admit *that* much. He looks so young and vulnerable with his cheeks all red and his clumsy attempts at being polite. His smile never ceases, though I'm sure this must be hell for him.

In the past year I've learned two things concerning him. First, that there are masks and *masks*.

I figured out that my mask was the easier to recognise. Stoic face, cold eyes, harsh words, and one hell of a deathglare. Yes, I know that I have a deathglare and I'm somehow even proud of it. One look with it, and people stop asking me silly questions I'm not willing to answer. Beneath all this coldness though, I'm actually a very gentle and warm person. My sister could assure you that, if she were awake, but she isn't and that's why I am, well... like I am.

His mask on the other hand is much more difficult to look through. Why? Very easy, because you don't know he wears one. You are left believing that all those smiles and beams are for real. The way he chats with those girls, proposing some accurate flowers for a different occasion. The way he smiles at them even though they are grating on his nerves, badly. If you hear his sunny laughter, you think he must be one hell of a happy, gentle person. Just your good old boy next door, as he would say. Just your cute and clumsy little soccer player, as I would said on my part. 

I didn't know it was a mask until he had to kill his best friend and afterwards I looked into his face when he thought no one would see him. Just thinking now of that guy leaves a feeling of pure hatred and rage. I want to storm into hell and kill that man again and again for hurting someone as pure and innocent as him. 

Pure? Innocent? 

Not the way you may think. 

He's still an assassin, a part of Weiß, and for that he will never be pure and innocent in the way you define those words. However, even though he's tainted with blood, he still manages to make some good out of it. He still manages to care for all those people around him. Just one look into his face, makes other people feel warm all over, makes them smile with him even if all they want is to die. I mean, look at those children he teaches soccer. One day he wasn't feeling too well and told them to play without him. Their faces fell and, the next thing I knew, he was out of the door telling them that, while he might not be able to play, he could at least watch. 

I´d call that pure.

And, innocent, because he still believes in a person's goodness even after his friend's betrayal. You may call it naivety, but I call it innocence. He even considered that traitor a friend after he killed him! 

It hurts to see him like that, knowing that bastard is--even in death--closer to him than I´ll ever be.

A giggle interrupts my thoughts. One of the girls looks like she's glomping him every moment. The other two watch him, worshipping him like a hero. I know he hates this attention, but still he smiles. I look closer and see him unconsciously rolling his eyes. No one notices it but me.

Ah, yes. Second thing I've learned. 

If you want to know *what* he really thinks, you mustn't look into his face but into his eyes. They tell you everything, not his ever present smile, but his eyes...his beautiful chocolate eyes.

Full of passion on a mission, full of joy and laughter when he plays soccer with the children, full of pain when he thinks no one notices. But I noticed it, and I set out to ease that pain. 

First of all, I had to understand all the shades of his mask... I never believed someone could have a better disguise than mine. He proved me wrong. It took me several months to interpret his gazes correctly, to know what to look for in his eyes.

What they tell me right now? 

Misery. Pure and *for once* undisguised misery mixed with lots of annoyance. I'm sure he's desperately hoping for someone to come in his rescue, he's too polite to tell them to get lost. Omi´s still at school and Youji...well, he won't be up till one. There's only him and me at the moment...Ah, and a horde of stupid schoolgirls, of course. So, he's hoping for me to be his saviour. Might as well go to his rescue before I start thinking of ways to kill those fucking, stupid girls. And, believe me, I know ways to kill you can only dream of, ways to make it long and painful, ways--

Another giggle. 

Ok. There's rescuing to be done.

I put on my infamous deathglare and stalk towards them. Two of them see me approaching and hastily retreat when they meet my furious glare, the third one somehow manages to glomp onto his arm. He tries to get out of her reach without being to obvious, and he fails miserably. 

Perhaps she glued herself to his arm, I muse. The thought feeds my anger at those girls, I pose behind her and tap on her shoulder lightly.

She turns her head slightly, finally becoming aware of my presence. She looks into my face and pales when she realises I'm giving her one hell of a glare. She loosens her grip on him and laughs nervously.

"Um, Aya-kun....is there anything you want?", she asks timidly.

"To be honest" I say coolly, "No! But if you don't intend to buy something, get out!"

She pales even more, then runs out of the shop. When I turn around, all the other girls left too.

"Really, Aya-kun! That was a bit harsh" Ken looks at me with slightly accusingly cheeks still flushed from embarrassment, then shrugs. "Nevertheless, thank you!"

His chestnut bangs obscure his eyes, again. Hell, every time *I* talk to him, I'm not able to see his eyes properly! It is as if he doesn't want me to see something in them, and I will find out what!

Our mission is easy. Break into the lab, kill the target, and blow the whole place up so no evidences are left . We split in two groups. Youji and Omi are out to gather the data and place the bombs. Ken is with me to find and kill the target.

We're still in the basement. According to our records, the target must be behind one of the doors to our left. The light is dim, we're walking through shadows. I´d have expected more lamps here...unless...this was a trap and we--

"Aya!"

His shout interrupts my thoughts.

I whirl around just in time to see him jumping in front of me and taking a stab meant for me. He screams in pain, eyes full of surprise but also determination, and sinks to the floor. His hands clutch at a place worryingly near his heart, trying to stop the flow of blood. Gods! His shirt is already soaked. The view sends waves of pain through my own heart. I look up to see the smirking face of our target just a few feet away. How dare he hurt him!!!!!!

I unsheathe my katana and attack him immediately.

"SHI-NE!!!!!!!!" I barely recognise my own voice. That fucking bastard hurt him and now he'll pay. Hess no longer part of the mission, but part of my own wish to avenge *him*.

He tries to block my moves with his knife, but stands no chance against my katana and experience. When I'm finished with him, even I have to shudder. He's barely recognisable as our target. As I said, there are ways to make a kill slow and painful. 

I turn around to see Ken lying on the floor in a growing pool of blood. I'm at his side faster than I can think, carefully taking him into my lap.

He opens his eyes slowly, tries to sit up on my lap, and lets out a strangled gasp when he fails.

"Don't move!" I say a bit more harsh than necessary, trying to conceal my growing worry. I remove his leather jacket to have a better access to the wound. Damn, the flow hasn't stop and I'm able to see that it's far too close to his heart. He chokes, blood spurting from his lips, his face already white as a sheet. Fuck! Now, *that* worries me! I rip off parts of my own shirt and wrap it around his chest to slow down the loss of blood.

"Stupid baka," I murmur. "Why did you have to jump in front of me?" I don't realise that I'm crying until a tear splashes down onto my shaking hands.

His breath is ragged as he tries to speak.

"Gomen..." he croaks, than lapses into unconsciousness.

For one agonising moment, his breath seems to stop, then it starts again. I cradle him into my arms, then stand up and run out of the building. Youji and Omi are waiting already. I can barely see their shocked faces when they take in the injured sight of our friend, I'm to wrapped up in my own thoughts.

"Fujimiya-san, I suppose?"

I lift my head, tired from waiting for news of him for hours, then nod slightly. Omi´s sleeping in Youji´s lap, but starts to awake at the nurse's words.

"Hidaka-san had incredible luck!"

"He's going to be alright?" I ask, hoping my words won't betray my feelings, feelings I am still not sure about. Feelings for him.

"Yes," she says, smiling at me. "The knife barely missed his heart, but would have killed him nevertheless if you'd come a minute later."

My heart stops at her words. She smiles again.

"Don't worry. He lost a lot of blood, but the doctors say he's going to be okay."

I sigh in relief, then look over to the others seeing similar expressions.

"You are free to visit him, in room 235. Just make sure to be quiet around him. He needs a lot of rest."

He looks so peaceful in sleep. Peaceful and innocent. One wouldn't think he's haunted by his past and present when you look at him while he's asleep.

His skin is still deathly white. It worries me, but the nurse assured me that it was normal after the immense loss of blood he suffered. His chest is heavily bandaged. I relive that agonising moment in my mind when I thought the knife had pierced his heart, when I thought he would die. The thought scares me, terrifies me, leaves me broken and bleeding with no one being able to put the pieces back together. No one except him. Right now, I wish he'd open his eyes and assure me that everything would be all right, that he wouldn't leave me.

I'm not even sure he cares for me. Sure, he treats me as a friend, but does he care for me? I mean, *really* care for me? Well, I haven't exactly been the ideal of a friend, always being cold and distant, but, somehow, I hope he's able to look past my facade as I'm able to look past his. 

Well, at least most parts.

He's been unconscious for three days now, three days that have seemed like an eternity for me. Three days that I hadn't been able to look into his eyes and see the soft sparkle in them when Youji flirts with Omi. That I hadn't been able to see the glint of mischief whenever I threw those stupid girls out of the flower shop. That I hadn't been able to see his true self, hidden in those dark eyes, eyes that mirror his soul. 

I would have even accepted the fact that his eyes were obscured whenever he talked to me just if he would open them!

After what seemed to be an eternity for me, he finally stirs beside me. I sit up straight and wait for another reaction.

He groans a little and opens his eyes. Those beautiful chocolate eyes are glazed over. Chestnut brown hair falls, as always, over them, blocking even more his view. He's still not really awake. I brush some of the bangs out of his face. His look becomes a slightly clearer and he tilts his head a little to the side watching me quietly.

"Aya?" His face is so pale, so unlike the soft bronze tone I'm used to. It's soaked and not revealing anything but exhaustion, but his eyes look unsure at me, probably not knowing if I'm still angry at him or not for having done something stupid. Was I angry at him? I think for a moment. The look in his eyes changes to one of relief.

"You okay?" he croaks

"Hai." My face softens. God, does he even know what he does to me? Well, he for sure scared the shit out of me, jumping in front of a weapon aimed for me. And now he's asking me if I'm all right. Baka.

"The mission...?"

"Accomplished. That bastard´s in hell by now," I say. Right next to that other bastard, I add in my mind.

"You look horrible.", he says tiredly.

"So do you" I say, smiling a little.

"Where are Youji and Omi? They okay?"

"Aa. They left about an hour ago. Guess they needed some sleep. You gave us quite a scare."

He manages to look guilty at my comment.

"And you? How long..."

"Actually, I've been here for the last three days while you've been out cold. Guess I wanted to make sure you're going to be all right." 

He blinks surprised at my words.

"You care for me?"

He sounds strained and tired, like he isn't really up to talk with me right now. Probably wanting nothing more than to sleep again and forget about the fact he's in a hospital with some serious flesh-wounds that barely missed his heart, but I won't let him go that easily, not until I have talked to him. Not that I have an idea what the hell I 'm going to say, but, well...I'm sure I´d find the right words. 

Finally remembering his question I say a bit exasperated, "Of course I do!" 

Does he really think that I'm such a pain in the ass who only cares for his little sister lying in a coma and keeps all others at bay with his infamous deathglare? Or is it just another mask of his? A desperate attempt to conceal his real feelings towards us...especially towards me. 

Well, I won't know if I don't try.

"And you?"

"What?"

"Do you care for m--"

I stop afraid of my own words, then say trying to sound nonchalantly although I don't feel like that in the least.

"Do you care for us?"

He smiles a little and closes his eyes. No! I want to see them. Just for once I want to see his beautiful eyes. I want to see if they say the same his mouth will say in a few moments. To my immense relief, he's opening them again. They mirror a myriad of emotions right now, but I'm mostly struck by the sheer determination in them.

"Honestly, there was a time when I tried to convince myself that I didn't care for you, that it would be better not to care for you ...that it would be better for all of us if we just worked together and forgot the whole thing about being friends and so. After all, who wants to be friends with a murde...an assassin? It even worked for a while. But, then...I realised that I couldn't do that. It's not in my nature not to be friends with you. You're the only people who are able to understand me...Omi, Youji, you...you're all I've got left in this fucking world. You make sure I won't trip over every goddamn flower cause I'm such a klutz sometimes. I have stopped counting the times you rushed in time to save me from getting shot, stabbed, strangled or what else. You even tried to comfort me when I...when I killed Kase."

He looks at me with shimmering chocolate eyes reflecting all the misery he must be remembering right now.

" If it weren't for you, I would have got myself killed a thousand times by now."

Was it my imagination or did he put an emphasis on *you*. My heart starts to beat faster. I know it shouldn't. After all, I'm Mr. Cold who doesn't want to get attached to anything, but... somehow I yearn for the knowledge that there might be a chance that he...

"Aya?"

I look up realising that I´d been lost in thought. He looks at me, his eyes reflecting the pain of his recent wounds, the care and friendship he holds for us and...hope? 

He moves a little, probably trying to sit up and hisses in pain when the movement threatens to open up his wound again. His breathing gets harsh and he closes his eyes again to block out the pain.

"Ken? Daijoubu ka? Shall I get the doctor?"

"No, thanks. It's all right. Give me just a few seconds to adjust. It's not that bad, really!"

He opens his eyes and finally manages to get into an upright position without too much pain. The previous look is gone leaving only the stark pain the wound must inflict on him. So, his eyes are betraying his words yet again. I want to shake him. Why does he never say what bothers him? Is he afraid I might not understand that the stitches must hurt like hell?

"How's the shop?" he tries changing the topic.

"Youji and Omi are currently running it while I stay here watching you. You should have seen those girl's faces when Youji told them you wouldn't work for a while. I´d like to have seen it. It must have been priceless from what he told me."

He groans again. partly due to the thought of those annoying girls, partly due to the pain.

"Must hurt like hell!" I say, hoping to catch him off-guard.

"Yes", he hisses, then shuts his mouth as he realises what he just said.

I smirk and he looks at me confused.

"See! And why couldn't you say that immediately."

He groans. "Caught me! You know me too well. I was sure you ..."

"I wouldn't see past your mask?" I interrupt him.

He looks shocked, to say the least. Probably thought no one would ever imagine him wearing a mask. 

"How...? I know you've been observing me lately..."he stocks "since I had to kill Kase, but I thought I wasn't that obvious."

I reach out and take his hand in mine. 

"Your face may always smile at us, but your eyes... they showed me what you really think."

"And what do I think?" he asks timidly

"Right now, you're in deep misery and pain, because that fucking prick stabbed you. You loath yourself for what you're doing. You love those children. You hate those schoolgirls, but are far too polite to tell them to get lost. The thought of your best friend betraying you kills you inside, and you've become very fond of Youji and Omi. The thought of them as your friends makes you happy, even though they are assassins like you. When you smile at them, you mean it, not like when you smile at those girls."

I stop. I´d never have thought telling him that one day. Yes. I wished to, but I never thought...

"And you?...What do I think of you? You didn't include yourself."

His voice is barely a whisper as if he's afraid of asking me this peculiar question. His head is lowered. Damn! I can't see his eyes. How shall I answer him? Perhaps I should be honest to him. Let's just see what happens then.

"I don't know, Ken. Whenever I try to talk to you, you keep me from looking into your eyes. So I can't even tell you, if you're fond of me or not. You said, you care for *us*, but somehow I wish there could be more than care..." I trail off waiting for him to react.

I see him hesitating. Maybe I've gone too far by saying that. He sighs, obviously battling with himself. After a while he murmurs, "If I let you look into my eyes, you could tell me what I think?"

He sounds strange, unsure, but his voice holds a tinge of desperate hope for something.

"Yes, Ken...please I have to know!"

Suddenly he smiles, then locks his beautiful dark eyes with mine showing me exactly what I´d been hoping to see for such a long time now--even if I had been oblivious of my own wish until today.

I feel my lips twitch into a tender smile. I cup his face between my hands and inch closer to him until our lips are barely apart.

"...and I you," I say softly, then close the remaining space between us. The kiss confirmed all what his voice couldn't tell me for so long and his gaze tried to avoid confirming. 

Yes, maybe there was a chance for us after all.

****

OWARI


	2. Eyes on me_The way he makes me feel

Eyes on me - The way he makes me feel ****

Author: Tschubi-chan

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e-mail: keiji_izumi@yahoo.com

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Rating: G / PG

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Type: One-shot

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Spoilers: none, unless you don't know that Aya has a sister

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Warnings: shonen-ai

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Keywords: Aya, Ken, Ken's POV

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Weiß bishonen sniffles, Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiß do! 

A/N:

The fic is dedicated to Daemonchan who agreed to write a story with the title "Clavicula Nox" for me.

Look out for this story! It's worth every second reading it! glomps Daemonchan It's also dedicated to Swythangel and T-chan for encouraging me to write more stories!

As you can see "Eyes on me" follows the story-line of "Eyes that mirror his soul" with some slight additions. This time you can read the whole thingy from Kenken´s POV. 

To those who are waiting for the next part of "Eternal Return" or "HP and the White Priest of Elysion": I haven't forgotten the stories. It's just that I have several projects running at the same time and I decided to write this story first. Many thanxs to all people who commented on those two stories as well as "Eyes that mirror his soul".

English isn't my native language and will never be! The story is unbetaed so far. When I have the betaed version, I will upload it.

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Eyes on me - The way he makes me feel

He is watching me again out of the corner of the shop. He is doing this often lately. I wonder what he is up to. It's not his style to observe his team-mates on a more than professional basis and as I see it, *him* observing me now has nothing to do with *us* being assassins. So what's he up to? 

It cannot be something I've done wrong, because he would have told me months ago when he started looking at me this strangely. It unnerves me to no end. Those cold but beautiful violet eyes can give me the creeps.

At the moment I cannot think farther about it because I have to get away from three annoying girls at once without looking too suspicious. Don't they have to go to school?

Woah, they are trying to get my attention all at once. It's difficult to understand what they are saying, because of their non-stop chattering, but I don't have to. It's always the same. And always embarrassing!

"Ken-kun? Is it true that you teach soccer to those little kids?"

"Ken-kun, you are sooooo kawaii!"

"Ken-kun, please go on a date with me!"

"No, Azashi-san! I asked him earlier"

"But, I other than you want to buy something. Oi, Ken-kun, are you sure that arrangement will be ready till tomorrow? You know it's for my mother's birthday."

Please! Someone stops those chatterboxes. I´ll do anything! I sigh and roll my eyes.

"Miss Azashi. We have a lot to do considering Valentines Day is near. How about this lovely bouquet of violets. I'm sure your mother would like them and you can take them right now without having to wait."

I smile at her politely, inwardly groaning. This was going to be a very long day.

"But, Ken-kun! Don't you think an arrangement of yellow roses would be better?", she bats her eyelashes in what she thinks to be a sexy way.

Another sigh. I want to scream. Doesn't she get the hint that I want to be left alone? Why can't she ask Mr. Icicle over there? I bet after one glare of him she would just buy those damn violets and leave. But, no! Here she is with her stupid friends trying to hit on me constantly.

And what makes it only worse, is that I am currently one hell of embarrassed little Kenken who is beet red in the face. Youji would answer to those flirtations. Omi would chatter cheerily with those girls. Aya would just glare them away. And me?! I am standing here, blushing and desperately trying to make them go.

I shoot a glimpse at Aya. He seems to be pissed of. Because of me or because of those schoolgirls, I don't know, but I hope it's not because of me again. It's very depressive to know that the guy you have a crush on is pissed of because of you.

"Ken-kun? You still there?"

Damn! She did *not* hear my inner pleads to go.

"Gomen Azashi-san. What did you say?"

"I wanted to know if you could make the roses' arrangement instead of the violets. Please?" 

She glomps my arm and makes puppy dog eyes. I try to disentangle myself out of her grasp, but no such luck. She seems to have glued herself there with the intention not to let go until I promise her to make that arrangement and probably going out on a date with her. Somebody helps me!!!

"If that's what you wish, I will make the arrangement. Yellow roses, ne? Till tomorrow?"

She giggles hugging me. I blush even more. The other two girls giggle, too.

"Doumo arigatou Ken-kun! I will get them when they are ready."

Uh, oh, I think I gave her a reason to come again. Hopefully it will be Omi´s or Youji´s shift then. Now let me go...

"Ano Ken-kun...", she bats her eyelashes again.

That doesn't sound well. Please send me a saviour!

The two other girls retreat suddenly. I look up and see Aya stalking in our direction, on his face I can see one hell of a death-glare. He stops behind the girl and taps onto her shoulder.

She turns her head into his direction and gulps when she faces a glare that screams If you want to live a bit longer, leave!!!!! Her skin seems to be a few shades lighter than before. She giggles nervously.

"Um, Aya-kun...is there anything you want?"

Hey, she wasn't timid when she tried to hit on me!

Aya isn't effected by her shy attitude. Man! He really seems to be mad at her. I thought he reserved that glare only for Takatori. Guess I was wrong!

"To be honest" he says icily "No! But if you don't intend to buy something, get out!" 

She pales even more, then hastily leaves the shop. The other girls were already gone.

I am glad he came to my rescue, but I have to hold up my image.

"Really, Aya-kun! That was a bit harsh" I look at him a bit accusingly though I don't feel like blaming him in the least. My cheeks are still flushed considering the heat they emit, but I'm not sure if it is only because of those girls or because he is near me again. He continues staring at me his face devoid of emotion. Luckily my bangs cover my eyes so he cannot see what I'm really thinking.

"Nevertheless, thank you", I add after a while.

He looks at me a few seconds longer than leaves for his own arrangement.

***

Later that day my thoughts drift back to the moment when I found out that Aya has a sister. The day I found out that Aya was not his real name. To think of it now, Aya is a strange name for him. It's not that it doesn't suit him, but knowing that it was originally his sister's feels weird.

I didn't know he had an imouto until I saw her by chance. One of the kids I am teaching soccer had sprained his ankle during a game. I took him to hospital afterwards and while I waited, I saw Aya disappearing in one of the rooms.

He didn't seem to have noticed me, so I followed him. What I saw when I finally reached the room shocked me to no end. There he was sitting next to a young girl with violet hair apparently in a coma.

He arranged a bunch of flowers, white lilies, on her desk and talked about more or less important things happening recently.

What shocked me, was that Mr.Shi-ne or the Ice-man as I sometimes think of him, had an incredible sad, yet tender expression on his face. At one point he even smiled. 

I thought the Gateways to Hell had opened then because Aya never smiles. *Never* He may smirk when Youji makes some dumb comment or when I fall on my ass, but he never smiles. Fainting seemed a good option that day, but I could not allow him to see me, so I quietly left without him noticing it.

The feelings I had afterwards were quite confusing. I was shocked for him showing emotion, emotion other than Omae o korosu if you come close to me. I was strangely happy because I had the knowledge that he was still human. But I was also disappointed. Disappointed that it wasn't I who could make him show all these emotions.

At first I thought that she might be his secret girlfriend, but I remembered him calling her affectionately Imouto-chan. So she was his sister! 

While leaving the hospital with Ryo, the injured kid, I recalled all the times Aya had disappeared without telling anyone where he went. I suddenly knew that he was always and only visiting her. I was in deep thought. The kid's attempts to get my attention failed miserably. I was so confused.

He had called her Aya. The boy I thought to slowly understand had called *her* Aya. He only used her name, not his own. It made him once again that mysterious stranger with those beautiful violet eyes I met on the rooftop that night that seemed so long ago. Suddenly I wanted to know what *his* real name was, wanted to know *who* he really was, not that disguise he constantly wore to fool us and probably himself too.

I think I visited his sister two or three times after this incident. I am certain that Aya doesn't know about it or I am sure he would have forbidden me to come. I left a hint it was me, blue gentians on her desk but he didn't get the clue. 

Sometimes it hurts to know that she will always be the one making him smile. His eyes were so warm and gentle while he talked to her. Why couldn't he look at *me* like that? But I will have to stay the clumsy team-mate whose ass he has to save constantly.

I knew that I was infatuated with him. From the day he nearly killed me on the rooftop, he held a special place in my heart and even his cold attitude could not change that. Stupid me! Thinking that he could ever like me. A fellow assassin, a clumsy, klutzy soccer player.

Let me say, the day Mr.Icicle fells in love with me Hell freezes over. I am sure of that!

When I saw him with his sister I came to the realisation that it was better to leave my infatuation on him. Easier said than done! The problem was and is that it seems impossible for me.

He is so beautiful and graceful, red hair falling softly over violet eyes. He is everything that I am not.

Where he is graceful, I am clumsy. Where he draws the attention of seemingly every girl in our neighbourhood, I am just your good-old-boy-next-door. Where he is the smart leader, I am sometimes just plain dumb. Where he is cool and aloof, seemingly considering every option before acting, I am brash, easy to unnerve. He radiates cold, yet at the same time can be so soft and gentle. I try to be always bright and cheerful, yet my heart is filled with self-hatred, pain and sorrow. He is my opposite. How could he ever feel something for me?

Though I cannot stop loving him, I try at least not to show it. How? Very easy. I know that I show my emotions- my real emotions- through my eyes. My face may tell lies. My eyes can't! They tell the reality, so I stopped looking at him directly. It's not that I do not look at him, but I learned ways to avoid his gaze unsuspiciously. My bangs are very helpful in that matter.

I look up suddenly. Someone is calling me. Thank goodness it's not him. It's bad enough that he appointed me his partner on our mission tonight and after what happened this morning in the koneko I am not sure, if I can face him right now.

I have the feeling that he is observing me lately and trying to get me to look into his eyes. I don't know why, but I don't want to think about it right now.

I go into the kitchen and come into face with a very worried Omi. Did he call me more than once? I wince at the thought that my thoughts on him distracted my senses again. That's the fifth time alone this week.

"Ken! Daijoubou ka? I called you at least ten times! You seem a bit distracted lately." He looks at me worry filling his eyes. Nice kid! And they call *me* the mother hen!

"Daijoubou! Daijoubou! Just thought about that soccer game I watched yesterday. Should have seen it!" I plaster my trademark grin on my face in the hope to fool him. He buys the excuse.

"Ken-kun! You should prepare for the mission and not think about soccer games", he scolds lightly.

"I know, I know. It won't happen again. So why did you call me?"

"I got a call from one of our customers. She told me she needs her flower arrangement this evening and I wanted to ask you, if could deliver it. Her name is Azashi-san, 1076-2 Matsukawa-maki."

Shit! That's the crazy girl from this morning. I am so screwed!

"Sure Omi! No problem. Consider the job done", I say trying my best to sound cheerful. Sometimes I am surprised over my talent as an actor. I bet I have to hear another hour of Aa, Ken-kun you are soooo kawaii!!! I am *not* kawaii! I'm an assassin. Assassins are not kawaii! 

Besides...Aya, Omi and Youji got the looks. They are only saying I'm handsome, because they somehow found out that I am easily embarrassed and when I am embarrassed I blush as hell. 

"Thanks Ken-kun! I would have asked Youji, but considering that we have a mission tonight, he got a date this afternoon. Plain stupid if you ask me. And Aya seems to be nowhere near." 

When he mentioned Youji going on a date, Omi looked a bit sad. I know he has a crush on the playboy and Youji seems to like him, too. When the mission is over I have to speak to him. I don't like Omi´s feelings being hurt. The boy is something akin to a little brother for me and so I can be very protective of him.

I have a suspicion as to where Aya is, but I won't tell Omi. Aya will tell us when he is ready. 

"As I said, no prob! See you later!"

I run off. Though that girl will definitely grate on my nerves badly, I consider it a good distraction from my current problems with my crush on Aya.

***

My senses are alert. Everything around me screams This is a trap! Get away from here. Shooting a glimpse on Aya, he doesn't seem to be concerned. He's observing the basement carefully. According to our records our target is somewhere behind those doors.

The mission is considering what we've already managed, very easy. Find the target, kill him and blow the whole place up. I get the feeling that Omi and Youji got the better job with placing the bombs around the place, but who am I to complain?

A movement in the shadows to our left startles me. I have no time to think, only react when suddenly our target heads with a jump for Aya knife pointed at his heart. Aya hasn't seen him, yet. I scream and lounge between the knife and Aya.

"Aya!!!"

The knife makes painful contact with my chest. I scream again, my vision already getting blurry. My hands clutch the place where he stabbed me. Funny! So much blood! How can a person have so much blood? I sink to the floor, my head growing heavier and heavier. I have trouble breathing. The attempt to stand up again fails miserably. So there is only one option left. Leaving the job to Aya. And as I can see it through the grey mists in front of my eyes, he does a formidable job. Formidable and bloody, if I might add that.

Aya screams in fury unsheathing his katana and attacking the target.

"SHI-NE!!!!!!!"

Wow, I thought he had that battlecry left for Takatori. Second time I guessed wrong in one day!

I close my eyes. It's getting more difficult to breathe with every passing second. I hear Aya making short process with the bastard, but am to tired to watch anymore.

After what seems an eternity I feel him taking me into my lap carefully.

I force myself to open my eyes again. His gaze confuses me. He looks so vulnerable! I try to sit up within his lap and let out a strangled gasp as I fail more than miserably.

"Don't move!" 

No need to be so harsh, I think though his face betrays him again. He actually looks worried. Maybe I should be stabbed more often, if this is the only way to make him show some emotion towards me.

Na! Scratch that!

Through a haze I can feel him removing my leather jacket and ripping parts of his own shirt in order bandage me up. I start choking when breathing becomes an even more difficult task. I feel blood trickling down the corner of my mouth. 

"Stupid baka" I can hear him murmuring faintly "Why did you have to jump in front of me?"

Something warm and wet splashes my cheek. Aya´s crying?

"Gomen...", I apologise in a croaking voice. Then everything goes black.

***

Whoever claimed that pain was just an illusion, was a fool. A fool I am going to kill once I wake up completely. Considering the piercing pain in my chest and the splintering headache I currently have, I would say that pain is an illusion that hurts like hell!

I don't know how long I have been unconscious. That bright sphere I was floating into, didn't seem to know time. I groan when I try to open my heavy eyelids.

The first thing I am able to recognise through a blurry vision and several bangs of hair that fall as usually into my eyes, is a white ceiling above me. That means one thing: hospital! Damn! I hate hospitals.

Some slight movement beside me alerts me and I tilt my head to the side. I look at the person quietly unable to believe that *he* would watch over me.

"Aya?"

Is it really him? Perhaps I am still sleeping and Mr. Icicle is not really here. He looks at me with some unknown emotion written over his face. I hope he is not angry with me for jumping in front of a knife.

"You okay?" I croak. My voice sounds as horrible as I feel. Probably I'm also looking like shit.

He looks surprised for a second. Then his face softens.

"Hai." 

Wow. That's the third time I guessed wrong now. I thought he reserves that voice only for Aya. 

"The mission...?", I ask. Somehow my memory is playing _Hide and Seek_ with me. I don't remember what happened after that guy stabbed me.

"Accomplished.", he says coldly "That bastard´s in hell by now"

Judging by his tone, I´d say the guy is somewhere worse than hell. I take a closer look at him. He looks worn out and I tell him so.

"You look horrible."

"So do you", he smiles a little.

Something is definitely wrong here. Aya smiles! At me! I must have hit my head though I don't remember something like that.

I realise that Youji and Omi are nowhere to be seen. 

"Where are Youji and Omi? They okay?" 

Please tell me they are all right! I couldn't take it if something happened to them. I shouldn't have become attached to them, but I couldn't help it. It's just me! Please let them...

Aya´s voice interrupts my frantic thoughts.

"Aa. They left about an hour ago. Guess they needed some sleep. You gave us quiet a scare."

Uh, now I feel guilty. But I am sure I couldn't live with myself if something had happened to him. It's rather me than him or them.

So they left and are okay. And him? Why is he still here? His strange behaviour confuses me.

"And you? How long...", I trail off.

"Actually I've been here for the last three days while you've been out cold. Guess I wanted to make sure you're going to be alright."

What the hell? 

"You care for me?", I ask disbelieving. 

I think I´d rather sleep again than hear the answer. Aya smiling and looking other than stone-cold is one thing. Him admitting he cares, is too much for my nerves. I don't like the thought where this talk might be leading to.

He looks at me quietly. Finally he assures me:

"Of course I do!"

He seems to be taken aback by my question. Could he really care for someone like me?

"And you?"

"What", I blink confusedly.

"Do you care for m...", he stops himself, then continues slowly "Do you care for us?"

I smile and close my eyes. Trust Aya to start the conversion I didn't want to have right now. Perhaps he's right. I have to become aware of the feelings I have for my friends at some point. My mother told me it helps a lot to deal with my problems, when I talk to a friend. And I consider him a friend, much more than a friend though I never told him.

I take a decision and open my eyes again. I avoid his gaze a little bit, but not as much as usual. He has to know at least some of the feelings I bury within myself.

I start rather shyly a bit of resignation evident in my voice.

" To be honest...there was a time when I tried to convince myself that I don't care for you...that it would be better not to care for you..." Shit! Too much emphasis on *you*. Let's hope he didn't notice "that it would be better for all of us if we just work together and forget the whole thing about friends and so."

I feel like crying. Why am I telling him?

"After all...who wants to be friends with a murde...an assassin?"

Gods, I admitted one of my greatest fears. I don't deserve any friends because of what I'm doing!

"It even worked for a while.", I continue feeling encouraged my his patient gaze," But then...I realised that I couldn't do that. It's so unlike me not to be friends with you. You're the only people who are able to understand me..."

I sigh.

"Omi, Youji, you...you're all I've left in this fucking world. You make sure I won't trip over every goddamn flower ´cause I'm such a klutz sometimes. I have stopped counting the times you rushed in time to save me from getting shot, stabbed, strangled or what else. You even tried to comfort me when I...when I killed Kase."

Kase was somebody I didn't like to think about right now, but somehow his name just slipped out of my mouth. I think I will never understand how he could betray me. 

Aya seems to realise that because he gives me another sympathetic smile, just a slight movement at the corner of his mouth, but another smile nevertheless. Today is a day of miracles.

"If it weren´t for you I would have got myself killed a thousand times by now."

He looks surprised. Gods, did he realise that I put the emphasis on *you* again?

"Aya?", I address him hesitantly.

He looks up as if in deep thought. Something in his gaze reopens old wounds, yet at the same times gives me hope that there might be... I hiss in pain. Somehow I must have tried to sit up without conscious thought. Big mistake!!! I have to clench my eyes shut in order to block out the pain. My breathing becomes harsh and my whole chest feels like on fire.

"Ken? Daijoubu ka? Shall I get the doctor?"

He sounds worried. He doesn't have to be worried. After all it´s my own fault that I lie here right now.

"No, thanks" I try to assure him, "It´s all right. Give me just a few seconds to adjust. It´s not that bad. Really!"

Not that bad! Ha! That´s the joke of the century, but I don´t want to look like a baby. I manage to sit up without too much pain and open my eyes again.

I´m a bit confused when I see that he looks hurt. Am I that transparent?

I try to distract him. If I´m lucky, he will not notice.

"How´s the shop?"

He shakes his head a little, obviously knowing that I avoid the topic, but plays the game along.

"Youji and Omi are currently running the shop while I stayed here watching you. You should have seen those girls faces when Youji told them you wouldn´t work for a while. I´d like to have seen it. It must have been priceless from what he told me."

I remember the girl with the roses´ arrangement and a shudder runs down my spine. She begged me to go out on a date with me. I was only lucky that her mother came the moment I wanted to give up and told her to leave "the poor boy alone". The girl whined but left.

I groan at the memory, but also due to the pain in my chest.

"Must hurt like hell!"

"Yes", I hiss and immediately shut my mouth. Damn! He tricked me and promptly caught me off-guard.

He smirks when seeing the expression on my face. I must look like an idiot.

How is it that he can read me better than any other person I know. Him! Mr.I-don´t-care-for-anyone!

I groan again.

"Caught me", I admit sulking a bit, "You know me too well. I was sure you..."

"I wouldn´t see past your mask?", he interrupts me.

I think, now I look ready to faint. How did he come to that conclusion? Not that he is wrong with that. Not in the least, but...

"How...? I know...you´ve been observing me lately since...", I stock upon my next words," since I had to kill Kase but I thought I wasn't that obvious."

He reaches out and takes my hand into his´. My instinct screams to pull back. I know I wouldn´t be able to stand his closeness any longer. One more minute and I probably will spill out my feelings for him and that´s the thing I´m really most afraid of.

He looks at me. There´s a softness in his eyes that wasn't there before, not even when I had seen him with his sister.

"Your face may always smile at us, but your eyes...they showed me what you really think."

"And what do I think?", I ask timidly.

His face grows serious while he contemplates his answer.

"Right now you're in deep misery and pain because that fucking prick stabbed you."

Good! Partly true.

"You loath yourself for what you're doing. You love those children. You hate those schoolgirls...", he snorts disgustedly at the though of them. I have to smile at that. "...but are far too polite to tell them to get lost. The thought of your best friend betraying you kills you inside and...", he hesitates,"...you have become very fond of Youji and Omi. The thought of them as your friends makes you happy even though they are assassins like you. When you smile at them, you mean it, not like when you smile at those girls."

I am overwhelmed. He was able to see all that just by looking into my eyes? There is only one question left and I'm scared of the outcome of this question...scared of both possible outcomes.

"And you?...", I whisper," What do I think of you? You didn't include yourself."

I lower my head. I just had to ask him! His answer will probably too much to handle but I have to know some time. I can't go on avoiding him like that.

"I don't know, Ken.", he admits, "Whenever I try to talk to you, you keep me from looking into your eyes. So I can't even tell you if you're fond of me or not. You said, you care for *us* but somehow I wish there could be more than care..."

My heart stops upon hearing that. Could it be? Could it be that he loves me as I love him? I cannot tell him, but maybe...maybe if I let him look into my eyes, it will be enough for him too know.

"If I let you look into my eyes, you could tell me what I think?", I murmur.

Inwardly I hope...I hope that I'm doing the right thing and that everything will turn out just right.

"Yes, Ken...Please! I have to know!"

He sounds really desperate. I remember all those times he tried to get me look at him directly, the way his face softened mere seconds ago, the way he smiled at me or seemed to be worried about my injury. I smile suddenly and finally lock my eyes with his´ showing him exactly what I've been hoping for so long.

His lips form a smile, relief shining in his beautiful violet eyes. He cups my face between his hands and inches me closer until our lips are barely apart. I'm sure I'm as red as a tomato by now, but I don't care.

Right before he closes the remaining space between us, he whispers tenderly "...and I you"

I've never been happier in my life.

~Owari~

A/N: Hell freezing over doesn't seem impossible after reading that, ne? grins 


End file.
